(Performed at 20x2 Chicago on Oct. 19, 2013; You can watch my live performance here, or check out the embedded version below starting at the 3:22 mark.)
I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I can’t. Many a motivational quote says that in order to be successful, you have to eliminate the word “can’t” from your vocabulary. While training for my first marathon, I was given that advice over and over again. And yet here I am, at mile 24, and all I can think of is can’t. All of my energy is concentrating on can’t. “Maggie, you can’t pee your pants.” I’d been running for four-plus hours in unseasonably warm October weather, drinking water at every stop along the way, when the urge to pee hit me. Hard. I scanned through the options in my mental Rolodex, which admittedly, was not firing on all cylinders. One, I could stop at the next aid station and use a port-o-potty. But this was my first marathon and I was afraid if I stopped running, I physically wouldn’t be able to start again. Or two, I could try to hold it for another 2.2 miles. I decided on option two, to hold off on going No. 1. Every step is a strain on my bladder. Great. Just another part of my body that’s now in pain, to go along with my intensely aching knees, hips, calves, ankles, feet and back. Then I realize, I am in danger of pissing myself in front of my friends, family and a million strangers at the Chicago Marathon. That’s when the can’t takes over. “Maggie, you can’t pee your pants.” The last mile is hell. It’s hot and I hurt and now I’m convinced I’m going to have a goddamn bladder infection to go along with my possibly-but-almost-definitely sprained ankle. I make the turn into Grant Park and now it’s only 800 meters between me and my goal. I kick into whatever semblance of a high gear I have left. Arms raised in a V, I cross the finish line. YES! I DID IT! I RAN THE FUCKING CHICAGO MARATHON! And then, in my most triumphant moment of joy, pain and relief, I promptly pee my pants. I couldn’t help it. Comments are closed.
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Sometimes I write stories and then tell those stories to rooms full of strangers. These are some of those stories. (Cue the "Law & Order" noise.) Want me to tell a story at your live lit event? Hit me up. Archives
December 2014
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